The American Revolution/Transcript

Part 1
* Fancy Music*

Christopher Columbus: Hooooooly Smokes!

Queen of Spain: [angrily] Christopher Columbus! That is no way to address the King and Queen of Spain. What is wrong with you?

Columbus: So you know how we're looking for a new trade route in India, right?

King of Spain: Right.

Columbus: And the Earth is round, right?

King of Spain: Right.

Columbus: So i'm thinking we can just the oooother way round the planet, right?

King of Spain: Yeah?

Columbus: So I set sail, yeah?

King of Spain: Mmhmm

Columbus: And I reach India, right?

King of Spain: Right.

Columbus: WRONG! WRONG ! I did NOT reach India! I did NOT! I did NO-

King of Spain: [angrily] ALRIGHT, Alright get to the point!

Columbus: DID YOU KNOW. There's a whole 'nother freaking continent out there!

King of Spain: Okay, and you think I should care about this, why??

Columbus: Oh, i'm sorry. Did I forgot to mention? There's GOLD EVERYWHERE!

King of Spain: Gold? AAHHHHHH!!

OverSimplified: Columbus landed in Central America in October 1492 and he had the time of his life. And by that, he went to huge theft and murder spree. He stole gold, jewelry, people, and a hammock. And then returned to show all of his riches, Including a few previously undiscovered items, such as tobacco, the pineapple, turkeys, ad a hammock. Now I know what you're thinking, "But OverSimplified, Columbus didn't discover America, the Vikings did!" And you'd be partially right. In the 11th century, Leif Erikson was the first European to land on America, But if you love Vikings so much, then why don't you... check out today's sponsor? *Sponsor* Now where was I? Oh yeah, Columbus, time of his life, hammock. And suddenly the race was on to explore and conquer the New World. After warring with the natives and each other, the European powers claimed quite a land, including this area which both the English and the French claimed is theirs. One day the the French said, "I'm gonna build some forts along here." and the English were like, "Could you not?". And the French said "Sorry, but no, I could not not". And they went ahead and built their forts. Which pissed the British so they sent an upcoming British lieutenant-colonel by the name of George Washington with a combined force of the British troops and Native Americans. After an short battle, the French commander said,

French Commander: Alright, alright, we surrender.

Washington:Ok boys. Pack it up. They're surrenderi-

* slice*

Native American: Oh sorry was I NOT meant to split his head with a Tomahawk?

Washington: Ah, don't worry. It's not like this will start a seven year long major global conflict.

OverSimplified: And what happened was a 7-year long major global conflict which the Great Britain won. At the peace negotiation, Spain gave up Florida while France gave up all of its territories in North America. But Britain's victory came at a cost. A 60 million pound cost. They were now broke, in a lot of debt, and had to come up with some way to repay it. So they went to the Colonies and said,

Britain: Ok listen up. So huge part of the war was spent protecting you from the French and now we have no money because of it because of it. So...

Thirteen Colonies: I'm not sure what you're saying here.

Britain: Okay. So, we spent a lot of money protecting you from the French, right?

Thirteen Colonies: Right.

Britain: And now we're broke.

* subtle silence*

Thirteen Colonies: That's certainly is a pickle.

Britain: LISTEN TO ME. We spent all of our money protecting YOU, and now we need the money. Can you please pay us back some money?

Thirteen Colonies: No.

Britain: Okay we're just gonna go ahead and tax you.

OverSimplified: In 1764, Britain introduced the Sugar Act, forcing the colonists to imports sugar and molasses exclusively from the British ad to pay of duties on them. Then a year later they introduced the extremely controversial Stamp Act.