Prohibition/Transcript

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* video begins*

Husband: Good morning, honey. What's for breakfast?

Wife: The usual! Two caskets of rum, a mug of hard cider, and a full bottle of wine.

Husband: Oh boy! Oh, I'm running late. I'll have to take it with me.

Wife: Don't forget your lunch! It's a six pack of beer, a flask of whiskey, six shots of tequila, and as a special treat, a banana.

Husband: Aw, gee-whizz, I'm gonna be smashed today!

Wife: Enjoy your day of operating sharp, dangerous farm equipment.

Husband: I can't believe this is an acceptable way to live. God bless America! Ok, gotta go. *leaves for work, only to come back without clothes, in a forklift, and with a goat in a skirt.* I LOVE MY LIFE!

* OverSimplified intro plays.*

OverSimplified: America: the land of beautiful strip malls, top class infrastructure, and wonderful urban sprawl. Ah yes, beautiful America. *pans to a museum with a French guy saying "Non, c'est tragique".* But what's the most American thing you can think of? The Statue of Liberty? Mount Rushmore? An crazy lady in a mobility scooter yelling at a pigeon? Well, what if i told you the answer is alcohol? That's right. When the Puritans arrived on America's shores, they brought a ship packed with beer. George Washington provided his men with a daily cup of whiskey. Andrew Jackson's inauguration party left the White House so trashed that everybody had to be ordered outside. Fredrick Douglass said that whiskey made him feel like a president. *shows a picture of Oversimplified at a party.* Me too Fredrick, me too. *a picture of Donald Trump's face is photoshopped on Oversimplified's.* Americans drink at breakfast. Doctors prescribe their patients hard liquor. In the 19th century, Americans drink three times as much as their modern day counterparts. That's a lot of whiskey!

Boss: Hey Jerry, how's that report coming along?

Jerry: Already done sir! I've also organized your paperwork, watered your flowers, and been a father figure to your childre—

Boss: Wait a minute! (sniffs) What's that smell? Have you been drinking at work?

Jerry: No Sir! I would never...

Boss: Well, why not?! Everyone else is doing it!

Jerry: But I got all my work done...

Boss: You're fired! *''smacks Jerry with a bottle. The drunken workers cheer.''*

OverSimplified: Americans drink at work. They drink at barn raisings, baptisms, and public hangings. Heavy drinking was so normal that it was as American as apple pie.

Ron: (sighs) Hi everyone, my name is Ron, and I'm an alcoholic.

Guy: Get over yourself Ron, we're ALL alcoholics.

OverSimplified: But more and more Americans began to wonder whether all of this truly was a normal way to live. Were Americans drinking perhaps a little too much? Well, one group in particular thought the answer to that was yes. You know them, you love them... women.

* ''cuts to a bar full of men. Two women come in.''*

Bar patron: Oh crap, women! RUN!!! *the men in the bar run from the women.*

Woman #1: Hang on!

Woman #2: We just want to talk.

Bar patrons: Women talking in public? That's outrageous!

Woman #2: Come on, Fred. You've got two kids and a wife at home. Yet here you are spending your entire paycheck on booze. And you Dr. Spanky, you were on the cusp of discovering time travel. But what did you discover instead?

Dr. Spanky: The sweet, sweet joys of whiskey.

Woman #2: That's right! Alcohol! It's destroying our families, our jobs, and our homes.

Bar patrons: She's right she's right.

Male patron: Hang on men! Don't let them get to you. This saloon is our safe space where our wives and children can't annoy us with reality. Where we're free to be real men!

Patrons: (agreeing) He's right, he's right. I am a man.

Woman #2: And what is it real men do? Take care of their families.

Patrons: I don't know what she's talking about. Do you take care of your family?

Male patron: No! We drink beer, we shoot guns, and we mud wrestle! *the men cheer while shooting guns*

OverSimplified: As America's heavy drinking ruined more and more lives, moral resistance began to arise. And women were at the forefront. Taking matters into their own hands at a time where women doing just about anything was shocking. They'd had enough of being victim to their husband's heavy drinking. And they were gonna do something unprecedented.

Husband: You're going to what?

Wife: I'm going to protest.

Husband: (laughs, then coughs) Oh sweetie, women can't protest.

* ''cuts to a group of women protesting. The husband faints.''*

OverSimplified: Starting in Ohio before spreading nationwide, women began a crusade against alchohol. They marched through towns and cities, singing hymns, gathering outside saloons, and praying on their knees. Women praying was so terrifying that in some towns schools were shut and business stagnated. On one occasion, firemen were called out to hose down the dangerous praying women. On another, the owner of a beer garden reportedly hold a cannon outside and threatened to reduce the savage women to dust. Nevertheless, they persisted. They formed the WCTU in 1874 and they organized. They set up homes for inebriate women, they installed water fountains in public parks, they wrote textbooks for schoolchildren that contained some interesting claims about drinking alcohol.

Woman: Here's Little Timmy. Uh-oh, looks like Timmy's gonna have his first drink. He's taking a small sip of whiskey, aand Timmy has spontaneously combusted. The end.

OverSimplified: The women's efforts weren't in vain. In small towns across America, drugstores agreed to stop fulfilling prescriptions for alcohol. Men committed themselves to giving up drink. Inspired by the women's moral fervor, some saloons closed their doors. The women's crusade and other temperance movements were forcing people to consider alcohol's role in society, and more people began to side with the growing temperance movement. Many states had even begun enacting their own dry laws that restricted the sale and use of alcohol. One of them was Kansas where alcohol had been outlawed since 1881. Despite this, many illegal saloons remained open and authorities has done just nothing to stop them. One woman, disgusted by what she saw, decided she would take the law into her own hands. And not just any woman, a terrifying, hatchet-weilding, *shows a picture of a person holding a hatchet.* Sweet old lady named Carrie Nation. *the picture shrinks in size, revealing who is holding the hatchet.* Armed with her trustee hatchet and bag of what she called "smashers", she traveled from town to town visiting saloons. But she wasn't here to get smashed, she was there to smash. The men could do nothing but cower as sweet old Carrie hulked out and tore the place to shreds. She went to Kiowa and smashy-smashed. Wichita, smashy-smashed. Topeka, smashy-smashed. On a couple of occasions, she was arrested. But each times they were like,

Police officer: Ok Carrie, we're gonna let you go so long as you promise to be a good girl and not to smash up anymore saloons. M'kay?

Carrie Nation: SCREW YOU PIG!!! (spits)

Police officer: Yeah, I think she's gonna be alllright.

OverSimplified: Smash, smash, smash. Carrie's tactics shocked the other members of the Women's Christian Temperance Union. But she assured them, and this is a quote, "Ladies, you do not know how much joy you will have when you smash, smash, smash. Carrie became a household name and she hoped her unusual tactics would spread across the country. But unfortunately, many of the women's movements eventually slowed down. Why? Well, because of this kind of thing.

Mitch: Thelma! I ripped my pants again...

Thelma: Ugh, well, you'll have to see them yourself because I'm going out protesting.

Mitch: What?! I don't know how to sew! What if I burn the house down and get eaten by alligators?

Thelma: Wha—?! Ho—?! Don't be stuuuuupid Mitch! Look, I gotta go.

Mitch: Call me stupid? She's the one that's stu— *''accidentally stabs himself with the sewing needle. Tripping over a lantern which causes a fire. Mitch is launched out the house and lands in an alligator's mouth.''* Hey, Thelma! Look who's stupid now!

OverSimplified: See, while the women were out protesting, there was nobody to do the cooking and cleaning and being seen and not heard, and they gradually had to return to their duties at home. But where the women had got the ball rolling, a new movement was about to take that ball. I'm talking about the Anti-Saloon League. The Anti-Saloon League was a political pressure group run by a very sweet-looking old man. But don't let that deceive you. This guy was an evil genius. While the women's movements were interested in a whole range of issues, Wayne Wheeler and the Anti-Saloon League only cared about enemy number one, Mr. Al Cohol, and as a result, they were extremely effective. They were able to exploit the fears of the American people. And I mean everyone's fears. Here's how they did it.

* cuts to a port with people surrounding a small stage*

Wayne Wheeler: Hello, sir, welcome to the Liberal Progressive rally. Why don't you introduce yourself?

Paddy: Well, I'm Paddy and I'm an immigrant from Ireland.

Wayne Wheeler: And tell me, Paddy, do you drink?

Paddy: Oh yes, I drink a lot.

Wayne Wheeler: See folks? People like Paddy come here looking for a better life only to end up drunk in the gutter. Don't worry, sir, we're gonna help you.

(People applauding)

Wayne Wheeler: (Whispering to Paddy) Hey man, you're doing great. I just need you for one more thing.

 * Wayne drags Paddy to another stage*

Wayne Wheeler: Hey Christian Conservatives, this is Paddy. He's a dirty Catholic Irish immigrant who's come to destroy America with his ALCOHOL FUELED DEBAUCHERY! (Slaps Paddy)

(people cheering)

OverSimplified: Workers were told alcohol was a capitalist ploy to keep them subjugated. Factory owners were told alcohol was making their irresponsible workers lazy. The Black community was warned alcohol was hindering its progress while racists were warned alcohol would turn Black men into brutes. In one of the most confusing eras of American politics, totally opposing groups found themselves agreeing on at least one thing, alcohol was bad. The Anti-Saloon League also made great use of propaganda, something prohibitionists had been doing for decades. Take this specimen, for example, *shows picture of stages of drinking* that warns what will happen to you if you start drinking. Let's see, first you take a drink. You get a little rowdy, okay. You make some new friends, nice. Then you become homeless. You turn to crime. And uh, uh-oh. Wheeler used to force prohibition on America was pressure politics. In any election he could, Wheeler very successfully rounded support against any politician who was in favor of alcohol. In Ohio alone, he had 70 state representatives and the popular Republican governor ousted from office and replaced with prohibitionists. Suddenly every politician in America was afraid of Wayne Wheeler. Even those who enjoyed alcohol in private began pretending to be against it in public.

Guy: Alcohol is delicious. I mean malicious. Sorry Wayne, I'm really drunk right now.

OverSimplified: Then it really hit the fan in 1917 when America found itself fighting in the First World War against Germany. Anti-German sentiment exploded. Sauerkraut became Liberty Cabbage. German measles became Liberty measles. And dachshunds became the embodiment of evil. See America? You've always been this way. The biggest brewers in America were German, and Wheeler saw to it that drinking alcohol became akin to pro-German treason. *shows picture of poster supporting Beer* The German brewers desperately tried to fight back, creating their own propaganda, presenting beer as a healthy beverage, one that you could even give to your kids. As you can imagine, it didn't go down well. President Wilson instituted some temporary wartime prohibition measures to save grain for food. And with many in the country now in support of prohibition, all that was left was to make it law. One problem was that taxes on alcohol made up nearly 40% of the US government's annual revenue, and the government wasn't just about to give that up. No problem. The Anti-Saloon League helped lobby for the creation of a new income tax on the American people. And just like that, the government was no longer reliant on alcohol. Prohibition was finally introduced to Congress in 1913, not just as a law but a constitutional amendment. In 1917 as the House held their final vote on the prohibition amendment, Wheeler was watching from the gallery.

Anti-Prohibitionist: You spineless cowards! I know half of you drink, yet here you are bowing down to Ned Flanders up there. Look at him like he's some kind of Caesar.

Wayne Wheeler: Ugh, don't be so dramatic. I obviously don't think I'm Caesar... Now release the lions.

(Two lions come in and grabs two Anti-Prohibitionists)

OverSimplified: In the end, prohibition passed the House easily, 282 votes to 128. And the states ratified the new amendment by 1919. America, a nation obsessed with liberty and freedom, had just voluntarily given up its private right to choose whether or not to drink alcohol.

Guy #1: We did it, folks!

(Crowd Cheering)

Guy #1: We fixed everything. America will be perfect forever!

Guy #2: But you just dissolved America's fifth largest industry and lost tens of thousands of jobs for us immigrants!

Guy #1: No, you idiot. You don't get it. We helped you, idiot. Ugh, I could really go for a beer. OOOoOoh NOoOoOo!

OverSimplified: Immediately after prohibition went into effect, alcohol consumption in America decreased as Americans followed the law and tried not drinking.

*Cuts to house*

Guy #1: Man, if we're gonna be law-abiding good boys, we need something else to fill the dark lonely void that delicious beer once did.

Guy #2: Well, how about we crack open a nice cold can... (grabs cans of water) of water!

Guy #1: Hell, yeah! Toss it over!

(Two men drink)

Guy #1: Nah, this isn't doing it for me. Let's try knitting.

*Cuts to another room*

Guy #1: This isn't filling the dark void at all!

Guy #2: Wanna play some kites?

*Cuts to field*

Guy #1: Ah, screw it, let's go get some illegal beer.

OverSimplified: While it seemed like many Americans supported prohibition, after the law went into effect, it seemed like just as many Americans intended to keep on drinking and they would go on to find a variety of ways to break the new law. Here's a question for you. Do you like breaking the law? Well, shame on you. Or do you like saving money when you shop online? Then you should use Honey. Do you ever shop in-store? Of course not! Then you'd have to talk to real life people. Yuck!! You'd rather shop online in the comfort and darkness of your mom's basement. Ah, and better yet, you can save money when you shop online with Honey. Honey is a free browser extension that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically tests them when you're checking out. Look at me, I'm buying a Baby Yoda smartwatch to increase my chances of getting a girlfriend. And look, this magic dancing coin man has a promo code for me. Holy hecking balls! I just saved $18 and 75 cents. Watch out ladies. And guess what? Those of you who've already installed Honey using my link have found over $247,000 in savings. So what are the rest of you waiting for you big dumb stinky idiots? It's free and can be easily-peasily installed in two clicks. So get Honey for free today by going to joinhoney.com/oversimplified. That's joinhoney.com/oversimplified. And as always, you'll be supporting my channel so thank you.

OverSimplified: Now where were we? Oh yeah, punching Paddy, passing prohibition, and procuring pints. Pretty soon after the new law went into effect, the failures of prohibition were already beginning to rear their ugly heads. For starters, the details of the new prohibition law written by none other than Wayne Wheeler himself turned out to be more draconian than expected. Many prohibition supporters only wanted to outlaw hard liquor and hoped beer would remain legal, but the Volstead Act outlawed anything over .5%. That would make Liberty Cabbage illegal. Secondly, the new law was full of loopholes that Americans very quickly began to exploit. For example, while the sale and manufacturer of liquor was illegal, drinking it wasn't. And you could also keep any alcohol you had before the law went into effect. So many private clubs hoarded huge amounts of alcohol that saw them through the entire prohibition period. Whiskey intended for medicinal purposes was also allowed and doctors basically became bartenders. It looked as though a full-on epidemic had broken out as there was a sudden surge in prescriptions for whiskey. Sacramental wines used by churches and synagogues were also permitted. Orders for communion wine suspiciously skyrocketed by millions of gallons. And as rabbis had access to religious wine, suddenly everyone was becoming a rabbi. You had Rabbi Pat O'Leary, Rabbi LL Cool J, Rabbi Fluffy. *cuts to back alley with unknown man purchasing wine from rabbi* But don't worry. I'm sure all these definitely legitimate religious figures couldn't possibly be selling wine in the back alley after mass. Yep, definitely nothing strange going on here. New products also hit the shelves in stores, such as Vine-Glo, a brick of dehydrated grape juice, itself not alcoholic and therefore perfectly legal, but the packaging did contain a strangely specific warning: After dissolving the brick in a gallon of water, do not place the liquid in a jug in the cupboard for 20 days, because then it would turn into a wine ;)

Buyer: I'll take a thousand!

Seller: Yes, sir.

OverSimplified: Now at this point, I want you to think back for me, if you will, to the year 2005. You're the coolest kid around and you convince your parents to rent the greatest movie of all time from your local Blockbuster. But the movie starts with a strange message, something about not downloading a car. You immediately disregard that and hop on Kazaa to download the greatest song of all time, and in the process drain your dad's bank account with copious amounts of ransomware. You were breaking the law, you bad boy or girl. But did anyone come to arrest you? No. That's my point. If no one is enforcing a law while everyone's breaking it, is it really a law? And so it was with prohibition. See, the conservative-led governments of the decade were also the kind of people who believed in small government spending. So they passed a law that would be extremely difficult to enforce but also didn't wanna spend any of the money required to enforce it. The newly created Bureau of Prohibition only had 1500 agents to cover the entire country. That's one agent for every 70,666 Americans in a massive country with 12,000 miles of coastline and one gigantic land border with Canada. Good luck schmuckos. And all these clever little loopholes people were using to score legal booze were only just the beginning. America was about to devolve into alcohol-fueled criminal chaos.

OverSimplified: By outlawing it, prohibition had made alcohol a precious commodity. And millions of Americans would become outlaws as they found a variety of ways to score illegal booze. For example, many Americans began making their own liquor. Illegal stills for making moonshine were found by prohibition agents from the hills of Kentucky and the caves of Arizona to parking lots in major cities and even in the homes of prohibition-supporting politicians.

Prohibitionist politician: Oh come on now, fellas, I VOTED for prohibition. I'm not gonna have an illegal still.

Agent #1: What's this?

Prohibitionist politician: That's my son Freddie. Say hi, Freddy.

Agent #1: Sir, this is obviously an illegal still.

Prohibitionist Politician: How dare you!

Agent #2: Hey, what's this in the bathtub?

Prohibitionist Politician: That's bath water.

Agent #2: Why does it taste like alcohol?

Prohibitionist Politician: Uh, here's a better question, why are you tasting my bath water? WEIRDO! Come on, Freddy. Let's get away from these perverts.

OverSimplified: To discourage moonshining, the government began adding extra toxins to many of the products moonshiners were using which resulted in many cases of severe illness and death. But alcohol wasn't just being made at home. Along America's vast coastlines, rumrunners smuggled alcohol into the country by sea. A floating supermarket known as Rum Row extended along the East Coast just beyond America's maritime limit. And bootleggers frequently sailed out in small boats to pick up shipments of booze. *cuts to outside of White House* These bootleggers could then be found selling their illegal products everywhere even in the halls of Congress.

Kid: Wow, pop, one day, I wanna work here!

Dad: Well, son, if you work hard and never give up, one day even you could be a massive hypocrite.

TBA